The Surgeon General has issued a new health warning that life is the leading cause of death in the United States. A recent study which looked at the deaths of several thousand people from around the country found that there was one factor in common in each of these deaths – they had all previously had life before they died.

The study found that the condition is hereditary. Each person with life also had a mother with life. After developing this malady, many people suffer from it for 70-80 years. Tragically, some last even longer.

The Obama administration has indicated that the U.S. is prepared to treat people with life so that they will no longer have to endure this condition. Some doctors are already treating unborn babies in the early stages of life. The next logical step would be to cure the elderly who have been suffering from this disease for many years. Funding for this is included in the various versions of the health care reform bill that is currently being debated in Congress.

Obama says he also plans to dispatch what he calls “mobile health units” that will be equipped to treat people they find with life. He plans to first send these units to rural areas, particularly in the Southeast – areas that typically vote Republican. The President says this is a way to reach out to conservatives.

Environmental groups are also hopeful that curing human life will also curtail global warming and save the planet.

Those who currently have life can go to their doctor and receive a shot containing a mixture of sodium thiopental, pancuronium bromide, and potassium chloride. This combination is specifically designed to bring their affliction to an end. Once Congress passes health care reform and the government takes over health care, President Obama has vowed that they will work diligently to eradicate life from our great nation.

I.M. Cirius